I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
