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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think your dad took our porno
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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