How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
