Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
