It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
