drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drake has all the answers
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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