why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
