He asked me if I "almost moaned"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
