I want to make a zoo with you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
