There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
