my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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