we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
