apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
