can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
