I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF