I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
