So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
