these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
