Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
