I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
