Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We got so high we made milksteak
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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