well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
