It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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