I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
