Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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