I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize