watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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