I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
