I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize