this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
