Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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