and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
