I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
