She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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