He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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