A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
