Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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