i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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