Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
