I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
