There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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