He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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