we're chasing vodka with high fives
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
