I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
