We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
