Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
