He kissed a someone with a penis
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
