Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
