Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
