I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
