So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
