just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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