Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
