I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
