Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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