I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
