My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
