i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
