I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
