Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
me + whiskey = a bad person
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
