distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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