can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
