That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
